Humour

[kmaherali]

A Student who got 0% Marks in a Delhi Govt school, was surprised because all his answers were seemingly correct !
Read his answers and have a blast.
Q.1 - In which battle did Tipu Sultan Die ?..
Ans. - In his Last Battle..

Q.2 - Where was the Declaration of Independence Signed?
Ans. - At the Bottom of the Page..

Q.3 - What is the Main Reason for Divorce ?..
Ans. - Marriage..

Q.4 - Ganga Flows in which State ?..
Ans. - Liquid State..

Q.5 - When was Mahatma Gandhi Born ?..
Ans.- On His Birthday..

Q.6 - How will you Distribute 8 Mangoes among 6 People ?..
Ans - By Preparing Mango Shake..!!

Q.7 - India Me saal bhar Sabse Zyada Baraf Kaha Girti Hai...???
Awesome Reply By Student :- " *Daaru K Glass Me..."*

Q. 8 - Why Hindu Law does not permit Second Marriage...???
Answer :
Indian Constitution - Article 20(2)-says, *"No man can be punished twice for same offence..."*


Laugh loudly

[kmaherali]

Editor's Choice -- Ismaili Digest -- 50 jokes by Mawlana Hazar Imam to celebrate Salgirah with!

Salgirah Mubarak!

To celebrate this happy occasion, we bring you our popular collection of 50 jokes by Mawlana Hazar Imam -- many with video or audio.

During the Golden Jubilee, Hazar Imam said in Vancouver, "from time to time I have joked with my Jamat, and it has come to them in a rather unexpected way! And I said to my spiritual children, a smile is a blessing. We don't thank Allah because He protects us from worldly difficulties only; we also thank Him for the happiness that He gives us in life."

Even if you've heard some of these jokes before, they're sure to still bring a smile to your face once again. As Hazar Imam said at the 2104 opening of the Ismaili Centre, Toronto: "We are a community that welcomes the smile!"

With best wishes for many smiles
Ismaili Digest



EDITOR'S CHOICE

Part 1 - A Collection of Hazar Imam's Jokes!

In the spirit of all the celebrations to come, Ismaili Digest presents: "A Collection of Hazar Imam's Jokes!" And, we wish everyone Mubarak. We hope the jokes give everyone many laughs because "we are a community that welcomes the smile!"

Continued Here » http://isma.li/SVv0WL



EDITOR'S CHOICE

Part 2 - A Priceless & Rare Collection of Hazar Imam's Jokes!

After the unexpected and overwhelming response to part 1, "A Collection of Hazar Imam's Jokes!", we are pleased to publish part 2 for the Jamat's enjoyment and happiness. We are sure this hysterical collection of rare jokes by Hazar Imam will refresh and energize you.

Continued Here » http://isma.li/dbWfsw

[kmaherali]

The Bill

A woman decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.

When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.

She demanded to know why the charge was so high "I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"

The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it. She insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for your use."

"But I didn't use them."

'Well, they are here, and you could have."

He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous.

"We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here."

"But I didn't go to any of those shows.."

"Well, we have them, and you could have."

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him.

The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check.

"But Madam, this check is for only $50.00"

"That’s correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me."

"But I didn't sleep with you madam!" said the manager

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

[kmaherali]

[kmaherali]

Varda Arts - AV COMEDY - Episode 11 - Kutchi Airlines

For Kutchi speaking individuals!

Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=73B_XpjkiMY

[kmaherali]

After fifteen years of marriage a wife asked her husband to describe her.

The Husband said: ABCDEFGH!

Wife: What does that mean?

Husband: Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fashionable, Gorgeous, Hot!

Wife: Really?

Husband: IJK!

Wife: And what does that mean?

Husband: I’m Just Kidding!

[kmaherali]

[kmaherali]

A man was sitting on the plane next to a young woman, without further ado he began to talk about all the titles he had and his profound knowledge, the young woman only listened, but the man did not stop showing off all his knowledge.

As the young lady didn't say anything, the man told her:

-Let's chat.... I've heard that flights seem less long if you talk to the person next to you. The young lady who had just opened a book to start reading closed it slowly and said in a soft voice:

-What would you like to talk about?

-Well, I don't know... What about "nuclear physics"? he tells her in a mocking tone and showed him a big smile...

-Well, that seems to be an interesting topic, but first let me ask you a question... A horse, a cow and a sheep eat the same thing: grass; But, why is the sheep's excrement like small pellets, the cow's is a paste and the horse's looks like a ball of dry grass?

Why do you think that happens?

The man, visibly surprised by the young woman's intelligence, thought about it for a moment and said:

-Hmm... I have no idea.

The young lady replied:

-Do you really feel qualified to talk about nuclear physics, when you don't even know shit?

[kmaherali]

Zul Gulamhusein: Spreading laughter throughout the Jamat





Stand-up comedian Zul Gulamhusein from Canada inspires laughter across the Jamat, taking his inspiration from the strength of our community’s elders.

“So many of our elder community members came to Canada because of conflict and strife, and did not have an option to pursue their passion because they were busy adapting to Western culture,” explains Zul. “I look at our community elders, my parents, all our parents, and I’m in awe of what they have done to provide for us and the younger generation.”

Zul honours their hard work through his own dedication and drive to being a comedy artist. At the end of every show, he also extends his gratitude to the seniors within our Jamat recognising their plight in paving better futures for younger generations.

Through his work, Zul hopes to be a source of positivity amidst uncertain times. “I hope that through my performances or videos on social media, people feel a sense of upliftment which may inspire them to push through challenges and pursue their own dreams.”

On stage, Zul ensures he spreads joy throughout his audience. "Knowing that people in the audience have trusted me to help them forget their problems for the next hour fuels me throughout the show,” he says. “We have had a very difficult year with the passing of Mawlana Shah Karim, so if I can help our community smile at this time, even a little bit, that’s all the motivation and confidence I need.”

Recently, Zul and his wife, Nadia, put on a show in Toronto where all proceeds were donated to the Aga Khan Foundation (Canada). The show was sold out with 150 people in attendance.

Reminiscing on the event, Zul described the atmosphere as: “electric! People who attended had a great time, with lots of positive feedback and energy. The audience was so engaged and made it so that I could feed off of their enthusiasm.”

“We are, after all, a community that smiles and so what better way to bring people together, honour Mawlana Shah Karim’s memory, donate to a good cause and spread joy.”

To aspiring artists, Zul encourages authenticity and resilience. “Don’t get discouraged by setbacks, it is all part of the journey,” he explains. “Document everything so you can see how far you’ve come and find a passion that makes you happy. Otherwise, you are doing a disservice not only to yourself, but to those around you who benefit from seeing you shine. Allah instilled in you this passion for a reason, the time to fulfill that passion is now!”

https://the.ismaili/us/en/news/zul-gula ... -the-jamat

[kmaherali]

My dad told me a joke that Ronald Reagan told: Reagan said that he was driving at about 50 mph when he noticed that a chicken was running beside the car and keeping up, so Reagan said that he speeded up to 60 mph and the chicken was still keeping up. Well, he ended up at the farm where the chicken lived, so he asked the farmer about how the chicken could run so fast. “Well, he has three legs. You see, I like chicken to eat legs, so do my wife and son, so I bred them to have three legs.” Reagan asked if they tasted good. The farmer said, “I don’t know. We haven’t caught one yet.”

[kmaherali]

A Minister and a Taxi Driver at the Pearly Gates
A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates.

Ahead of him is a guy who’s dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, a leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this guy,

"Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I’m Joe Cohen, taxi driver, of Noo Yawk City."

St. Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver,

"Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

The taxi driver goes into Heaven with his robe and staff, and it’s the minister’s turn.

He stands erect and booms out,

"I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Calvary for the last forty-three years."

St Peter consults his list. He says to the minister,

"Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven."

"Just a minute," says the minister.

"That man was a taxi driver, and he gets a silken robe and golden staff. How can this be?!"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter.

"While you preached, people slept; while he drove, people prayed."

https://jokesfunnystories.quora.com/A-M ... arly-Gates

[kmaherali]

Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.
Three bulls heard the rancher was bringing another bull onto the ranch.

First Bull: "I've been here five years. I'm not giving this new bull any of my 100 cows."

Second Bull: "I've been here three years and have earned my right to 50 cows. I'm keeping all my cows."

Third Bull: "I've only been here a year, and so far, you guys have only let me have 10 cows. I may not be as big as you fellows, but I'm keeping all 10 of my cows."

Just then an 18-wheeler pulls up in the pasture carrying the biggest bull they've ever seen.

At 4,700 pounds, each step he takes strains the steel ramp.

First Bull: "I think I can spare a few cows for our new friend."

Second Bull: "I actually have too many cows to take care of. I can spare a few. I'm certainly not looking for an argument."

They look over at the third bull and find him pawing the dirt, shaking his horns and snorting.

First Bull: "Son, don't be foolish, let him have some of your cows and live to tell about it."

Third Bull: "Hell, he can have all my cows. I'm just making sure he knows I'm a bull."

https://jokesfunnystories.quora.com/Thr ... -the-ranch

[kmaherali]

What are some dark jokes that are funny but shouldn't be? https://jokesfunnystories.quora.com/Wha ... houldnt-be

The following joke, which my father told me about fifty-five years ago, seems to divide listeners into two groups—those who respond, “that’s just not funny” and those who say, “that’s a bit dark, but still mildly amusing”.

A man is told by his doctor that unless his right leg is amputated, he risks dying of gangrene.

He reluctantly agrees to undergo the potentially life-saving operation.

When he wakes up post-surgery, the doctor is peering at him with a very worried look on his face.

With a feeling of impending doom, the patient says, “What on earth’s the matter, doc … why do you look so concerned … did something go wrong with the operation?”

The doctor replies, “I have some bad news and some good news—which would you like to hear first.”

He thinks for a moment, then replies, “Give me the bad news first.”

The doctor says, “Well, the bad news is that we accidentally amputated your good leg, the left one.”

“You did what? How the heck did that happen? What sort of doctor are you? Anyway, for pity’s sake, give me the good news, if anything could be good news after that!”

The doctor replies, “It turns out that my initial diagnosis was wrong—we don’t need to amputate your right leg after all.”