Mothers day

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alisa
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Mothers day

Post by alisa »

Hi

Though Mothers' day has been past but I thought; it relevant to post Mothers' day poem along Fathers' day so that it make sense.

Hope you all like it.

Amir

Mothers' day

To all mothers who devoted their lives to bring up future generation

Mothers' day is celebrated to salute her sacrifices
Think of her in any length; find her full of suprises
With any remuneration can't measure her services
She is unique in herself; for her; pale all advices

She's full of motherly affection; love and novices
What you are today; because of her wishes
Love; she pours in you with motherly kisses
Strong; she makes you with delicious dishes

Because of her vision; goals you accomplished
She would have not taken care of; you diminsh
Sacrifice her life to mould you; others to appease
Puts you in picture; lights of cameras to flashes

Because of her; positive thoughts you release
Come close to your goals; conscious get please
Visualize her role in life; see where an eye catches
Will see effects of her in generations; and races

From enchilada of her life gave the best; she preaches
You have to endeavor utmost; the best you fetches
Will not achieve anything in life; if you drop catches
What answer you'll give; when angel of death fetches?

Amir A Samji

Copyright ©2009 Amir A Samji

Mother


Mother is sources of source of all inspiration
She devotes her life with no remuneration
Without her we can not think of salvation
She's all beauty, great source of imagination

Because of her holistic approach, we are here
She does her work, no mater, what we say!
What a pitty we indebted to her, have no say
How can we are so deaf, dumb, and mum?!

She is glory of love, sign of liberty
No one, can match her towering sincerity
In herself, she is unique in quality
No length of respect, equals her nobility

I have survived because of her plight
Without her I am a bulb, has no light
She's fragrance, you feel her in life
So respect her, while she is alive!

What's the use, pay homage when she dies!
We follow the dead, and not who are alive!
Must scold, and find out reason for ugly desire!
Why we are so indifference despite her sacrifice?

Amir Samji

Copyright ©2009 Amir Samji
alisa
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Joined: Mon May 23, 2005 12:02 pm
Location: Glendale, California - USA
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Jub koi apna saath chor(d) ja-ey

Post by alisa »

Jub koi apna saath chor(d) ja-ey

Jub koi apna saath chor(d) ja-ey
Peechay par(d) ja-ti hay tanha-ee

Hum lugay rah-tay hay(n) tu, tu, may, may may(n)
Oodhar dushmano(n) ki thee lottery nikal aee

Woh phoolay nahi samatay Dushmany may
Daykho oonkay mu(n)h per kitni roanak aa-ee

Jo Allah karta hay woh sub acha karta hay
Per humary samaj may yeh baat kaha(n) aa-ee?

Jo humnay boya, woh sub amnay aa-ta hay
Tub day-nay lug-tay hay(n) ooper wa-lay ko duha-ee

Jub koi apna saath chor(d) ja-ey
Peechay par(d) ja-ti hay tanha-ee

Waqt hay abhi baqi, Khuda kay liye oosko samjo!
Phir na kah-na yeh Qayamat kaha(n) say aa-ee?

Soono ek bar jub Rubb nay Apna Faisla ker liya
Tub ooskay Darbar may kisi key na hogi Shunva-ee.
alisa
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Joined: Mon May 23, 2005 12:02 pm
Location: Glendale, California - USA
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Think who's doing it?

Post by alisa »

Think who's doing it?

Think who's doing it?
Why he's doing this?
No clue How's that?
Let me go deep in it

I am suspicious now!
Become superstitious
Look to me mysterious
Let me go in I'm curious!

It is of a Satanic Nature
See no goodwill gesture
He's on wrong adventure
Soon it will get puncture!

No one is responsive for it
Started maligning each other
No reason escalating further
Initiate a talk to come closer

Talk in peace not to win over
Ego keeps you apart in fear
Million are in deep troubles
Though it's obvious & clear

Don't go egoistic in nature
As human it's not our nature
Easy come close to each other
Critical need courage of a mother.
alisa
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Joined: Mon May 23, 2005 12:02 pm
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Aa-ey tha-ey na kutch lay ker -Na ja-ey(n) gay kutch lay ker

Post by alisa »

Aa-ey tha-ey na kutch lay ker

Aa-ey tha-ey na kutch lay ker
Na ja-ey(n) gay kutch lay ker

Na Marzi say payda hu-ey hum
Na mout hath may hay Sanam

Allah nay hukum diya waldayn ko
Aur oonky parwersih ka diya hukum

Jan-ver ka bucha pay-da hotay he
Woh apnay paa'o(n) chal-nay lugta hay

Insani Bucha kutch bhi nah ker sakta
Maa ooskay sa-ray kaam kerti hay

Hala(n)-kay liya hay Bachay nay Janam
Aakhir Maa ooskay kaam kyu(n) karay?

Esi douran woh ka-ee bar bimar hota hay
Sari sari raat jaag ker ooska elaj kerti hay

Jub bucha 4 saal ka ho-ja-ey tou school phayj-tee hay
School bhayj-ker wapis aa-nay ko intizar bhi kerti hay!

Jub yehi bucha High School ker lay Coller bhayjti hay
Jub College key Degree mil ja-ey khushiya(n) manati hay

Aur buchay ko jay-say hee job milti hay Allah ka shuker kerti hay
Jub woh chand salo(n) may set ho ja-ey hay tou shadi ka puchti hay

Aaj kul kay zamanay may etna kon kisi ka kerta aur soucta hay?
Yeh jo Maa hay oos jaysa Dunya may koi aur hay hee nahi

Maa nay Buchay kay liye apni zindagi aur dulat lutaa dee
Laykin afsos jay hee shadi hoti bucha Maa ko cho(d)r jata hay.

Yeh humari sub-say ba(d)ri bud-kismati hay k hum samjtay nahi!
Maa kutch bhi nahi chahti eskay k bucha Maa ka khyal rakhay.

Laykin nahi samaj-nay woh rung badla hay insaniyat hayran hay
Hum souchtay kyoo(n) nahi, Sub kutch Maa-Baap nay kiya hay?

Ab etni day-er ho-chuki hay kay yeh mumkin hee nahi raha!
Humnay jo apni durgat bana-ee ooska koi elaaj bhi tou nahi.

Ab bhi waqt hay kutch tou soucho, pani sur say guzer chuka hay
Mujay saa(n)se laynay may dushwa-ri ho rahi hay, samjo gay nahi!

Marzi tumhari, may-ra farz banta tha'a so may-nay samja diya
Baqi Allah janay aur aap jano, yeh lo may tou chala manzil ki taraf

Khuda Hafiz, Fi amanullah.
alisa
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Joined: Mon May 23, 2005 12:02 pm
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Take risk not more than you afford it.

Post by alisa »

Take risk not more than you afford it.

Take risk not more than you afford it.
Study Risk Management then go for it
Once you understand you are fit for it
As say 'There is no pain no gain' grasp it

First we reluctant to go & dive for it
Once you gather courage U go for it.
You going in your car there's risk in it
Everything do there is a certain risk in it.

Still worried of; Management course do it
You will learn how to take out fear of risk
Once you qualify you will laugh at it a bit
In life many risks to be taken no fear do it.

While studying chances of failure hover over
In School see 3 to 4 students fails every grade
The ones failed have do their best with his wit
Only by hard work can see success think a bit

In Sport many teams play but only 2 qualify for it
The day final will be played one is going to win it
They're our Heroes give a big befitting welcome
In Marathon Race Runner up is close what a win is it?
alisa
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In ignorance we are in State of Denials of God Almighty-8/27

Post by alisa »

In ignorance we are in 'State of Denials' of God Almighty (Revised 08/27/2020)

Since the inception of this Universe we humans started.......

Since the inception of this Universe we humans started deviating from the 'Straight Path'. The Truth we sidelined and lies became the Currency of Every Era and till today it is prevailing over the Truth. It doesn't harm The Truth but it harms human-beings at large.

While thinking it over, I found no logical reason for such a radical change. Surprisingly when I think it over again I realise we don't like 'Self Imposed Social Ethics' and want to do away with it.

If we look at our 'Image in Mirror' apparently we look 'Smart and Civilized' but when you look into your Conscious you lament on your own character. When we look at our acquired freedom we almost lose everything we used to feel proud of it.

If we think after developing 'The Earth Planet', we can do anything we want. Whenever we want. If you think and try to understand in fact God Almighty guides and inspires us to proceed further in that direction. Just think for a while we can't move ahead an inch without His Guidance and Inspiration

Just imagine how many millions of years it took us to just develop 'The Earth Planet'. It was a very slow process. We achieved it step by step with all passions and moreover we continued it till today to shine out in every field of our lives.

Instead of going out of our minds, better think what an excellent journey of millions of years. Now instead of trying to in ignorance of arrogance how can we destroy it with our own hands.

So far what we achieve is hardly 'A Fraction of God Almighty's A Huge and Unconquerable Divine Power' Please continue it all with humbleness and try to see what more we can do to understand Divine Structure standing on His Axis only.

How come these happened and why these have happened? Beauty of the present so-called 'Civilized Era' is; we have no time to think or we are not worried of its repercussions on our future generations to come!

Though we are highly advanced in almost all latest technologies and find everything at our fingertips. Wow what an advancement of technology! But when we compare it with The Truth, we almost lost everything in 'Social and Ethical Values'. Is this the purpose of advancement in life? No, I think so.

Unethical approach of lives

Generally when we start talking about Religions to know how much we know or understand it. But nowadays to my surprise everyone who thinks he is a Religion's Expert starts talking with his Philosophy of Nonsense. While discussing, all of a sudden someone says, "You have to prove to me the physical presence of God Almighty" otherwise it is not acceptable!

I said no, you are absolutely wrong. In my view, and in fact Science has proved 'God does exist" Do you know that?

Creation of Universe

I asked who was the first Man and Woman on The Earth Planet? Someone said it is very simple 'Adam & Eve. Who was their Parent? After thinking about it for a while he said I don't know. You know but in ignorance you said I don't know. Adam & Eve was created by God Almighty. He created Adam first with His own Hands and put His own 'Soul' in and thereafter He breathed into Adam and after that He created Eve from it.

There are more to say but keep it limited to this much only. This Universe has been created from 'Nothingness' when there was not existing anything except 'Spiritual World'.

The Science

The Science is based on The Matter. It uses anything which God Almighty has created and after a lot of modifications it gives a new name to 'The Modified Version of Matter'. Science uses God gifted 'Intellect of Brain' As we all know 'Thinking' is not a material thing as we can't see it therefore it is a 'Spiritual Matter'. Can Science show us it in a 'Material Shape', no it can not. So why does it believe in thinking?

Our heart keeps beating after 6 weeks of Embryo's Growth. Does Science know it in 'Material Shape' and why is it beating and where does 'Heart Beats' come from. Answer is a Big No?

Positive Thinking creates Positive Impacts and Negative Thinking creates 'Negative Impacts on Humans Bodies. Can Science show us 'The Material Shape? Can Science modify it in some Material Form to prove that? No, it can not!

Humans are very unthankful and very irresponsible

We Humans are Very Unthankful and Very Irresponsible; are in the Superiority Complex. God Almighty has created us in a very Scientific Way on a Scientific Criteria as Beautiful Males & Females and given them the Great Treasure of Intellect with a great 'Thinking Power'.

But we in ignorance ask ourselves to Prove the Presence of Almighty God in Physical or Material Form! What nonsense? As still we are in the search and researching process and it continues its study and God Almighty's Creations specially the Human Body to understand it further. For that purpose I see many types of Doctors are available such as Heart Surgeons, Neurosurgeons, Cancer Specialists, ENT Specialists, Cardiologist Surgeons etc.

In fact we humans are 'A Very Scientific Creation of Almighty God'. For every disease and for every human body part there are different Doctors. Therefore we see a separate Domain and Faculty of Knowledge.

God Almighty created First Man and Woman by Clay

Surprisingly God Almighty created human-beings with His own Hands from 'The Clay'! One day I was thinking when God Almighty was creating 'Adam & Eve, a thought came to my mind from where Human Organs and other parts like Eyes, Brain, Heart, Lungs, Lever, Tongue etc 'came from' in the human body? Such as 'Human Skeleton', Flash on it and inside the Flash Veins; where did all the Veins come from more than twice the measurement of The total Earth circumference?

Humans are still in evolving process

When we think we find more and it goes on and on and on..... and there is no end to it! Because as we are in still evolving processes and keep evolving day by day!

For example a Patient is visiting a Surgeon Specialist. Can he ask the Doctor, "Show me your All Certificates and Related Proof of Experiences? No, he can not do that because it is called a 'Nonsense'.

So how can we ask God Almighty?

So think being a normal Human-being how can you ask The God Almighty 'Please come out from hiding and show me your face'? No we can not do that. You know why?

When a woman is in process of 'Giving a Birth' to a Baby at that time we need a Doctor and Nurses to Facilitate the birth of the Baby. We are still in 'Process of Understanding the Myth of Mythology of Almighty God'. We must continue our efforts in process to understand The God Almighty but with the Attitudes we have, We Can not!

Intellect is a Powerful Gift of God Almighty

The God Almighty gave us an 'Intelligent Brain' with 'The Unlimited Thinking Power' and those who continue their search with humility and humbleness, find more Clues to proceed further. The person in research of; all of a sudden if he dies someone else can take it over the process of research work he was doing.

The more we think the more we find

The more we think the more we can modify the material in process. We are working on it. Just take an example of Cell Phones, it gets upgraded every year like G1, G2, G3. G4, and G5 as the latest Cell Phones Models are available in the Market and year after year will see more latest Cell Phones come out every year. It applies to all other products we produce. Therefore, we see every year 'New Models of Cars of every brand comes out with the latest modifications in it.

But our Standard of Thinking is gone down below to Common Sense.

There used to be unwritten Social Norms and Ethics prevailing and accepted and practiced by all. Slowly and gradually it got eroded from Civil Society knowingly 'For no Reason'.

We were not allowed to use certain things in life and that was normal. These were restrictions on certain norms to uphold Social Values in order to live with peace of mind.

As slowly we started lifting restrictions in the Name of Freedom. I saw a Storm of Satanic Uncultured Revolution in Civil Society started disturbing and breaking Social Norms. It started taking its roots in Civil Society and there was nobody to stop them! What a pity.

We became 'Enemy of Our Own' and In ignorance provided a Legal Umbrella to be safe even if they were wrong. That Legal Cover proved to be lethal and 'Final Death Warrant' for our Civilized Society to suffer forever.

I see no 'Think Tank' active and thinking or working in that direction. That will prove more lethal for our future and future generations to come.

The Land

Just look at the Land which has different types and kinds in colors with different chemical composition. It's a 'Divine Gift of God'. We can cultivate different types of Agriculture products in different seasons and different times of the year. What a blessing of God Almighty. We need water to cultivate various products which flow from the High Mountains in the shape of Rivers, Ponds, and in huge Lakes. We didn't do any effort for that. It flows automatically from high toward low steep and finally it mixes up in Ocean. What we did diverted it flow as per our requirements in different places. We constructed very 'Huge Dams' to produce HydroElectricity with the help of Turbines.

The Ocean
To our surprise Ocean is the largest Filtration Process to provide potable water to drink and it is absolutely free. We have to save it at safe places and use it after further filtration. I see it as a Miracle God Almighty.

We know that there are a lot of minerals, Oils, Gases, other valuable Gems and Pearls present under the surface of the Ocean. We know upto an extent but still we are in the exploration process to know more about it.

The Moon - Just look at the Moon.

Science says it borrows Sun's Light and because of that it shines in evening and night. We all know Ocean's High and Low Tides take place because of the Moon. We know that much only. Nobody has explained why the huge quantity of water moves on its own. When I used to be at Creekside, I used to observe water moving out of the Sea and I could see the seabed in the morning and sometimes it was full upto the boundary walls of the barrier called The Birth to anchor The Sea-Sailing Ships. It is another Wonder of God Almighty!

The Sun

The Sun we called it 'The Burning Ball of Inferno'. It is the lifeline of human-beings without which we can't survive or Produce any Agriculture Products to eat

We have different imaginative theories about it. What we think and what is it in 'Actual' nobody knows any further. Therefore Ancient Tribes used to Worship The Sun. When it is sunset there is no sunlight available and that is called 'The Night'. But actually the Sun is present at the other side of The Earth. What wonderful arrangements for human-beings to take rest at night time and wake up fresh in the morning.

The Stars

The Stars in fact are as big as The Sun since it is millions of miles away further than the Sun therefore looks very tiny in size. Because it is tiny in size we called it Stars. Maybe those Stars would be providing their day lights to some other Planets we don't know!

In the recent past Science had found out about 400 Planets like the size of Earth with the possibility of water there. But it is in the initial stages of research and will know more about it in future.

These are the Planets and Sun, Moon, and Stars etc. in the Universe so far we know and that is the fraction of God's Might we all know about it.

All of them rotate on their Axis except 'The Sun'. Did we manage to change their rotation in any way? No, then what is the use of trying in Challenging 'The God Almighty? Therefore continue our search and research works and keep developing it further. Neither we are born on our own nor we know the lifespan of our lives!

Still there is a long way to go, maybe millions of years more or more than that even after that I don't think so we will understand the mystery of Almighty God and its Divine Powers.

For many years we have developed 'A Strange Attitude'. What we think we are not and what we are; we don't think about that! If this remains our normal practice and approach soon we will stumble with an enormous obstacle we won't be able to handle.

Moon & Mars

So far we are able to reach on Moon and Mars and the exploration going on about others. Yes it is very appreciable. It is good that regularly we are sending missions to the Moon and Mars.

Now after sometime we will be starting Commercial Flights to Moon. I am hopeful and I keep my fingers crossed and pray that it goes very smoothly.

So far what we did is very appreciable. It is our duty to continue our research in God Almighty's Gigantic Universe and beyond.There are still hundreds of thousands of Planets in the Universe to search for. We don't know therefore we need to keep exploring the Universe and beyond.

After creating the Universe God Almighty created a Man and Woman to explore His Gigantic Universe. This is a Very Happy Divine way to continue further production of human-beings.

Better go parallel with Religions and Science

The best and smooth way of living is 'Go Parallel' with Religions and Science and maintain a safe balance between. Keep continuing your search, where you see obstacles in your way, take a pause and think further and even after that if you are unable to understand, give it up for a while unless your Horizons of Intellect get broaden to restart the search.

This is a safe and acceptable approach to align your thinking with 'The Divine'. We are doing it and will have to continue it until we see light at the 'Other End of The Tunnel' It is fair enough.

Uncertainty of life

In History, we had seen Millions of Rulers and Kings of that era try to challenge the God Almighty and they all are gone with The Wind!

No one from us knows what will happen very next moment whether we will be alive or we may die! What an uncertainty in our lives!

Gist of it

Gist of it we know nothing about ourselves and about The Creator but we have claims bigger than words of our mouth! Therefore live a normal life, try to understand it very sensibly with all senses present in it. Go with all logic and philosophy of life as we have a lot to explore yet and it may take millions of years more.

Conclusion

Conclusion; we are nothing in front of God Almighty. We are not born on our own nor we know how long our lifespan is. This is His Great Divine Design and moreover we have no say in it. So, it is better to live life with all 'Happiness of Life' and keep developing further as time goes by and this is our duty and we all have to do it.

Final Comments

This is the Divine System continued for millions years and more, actually we don't know for how long! Human-beings are still in an evolving process, keep evolving and continue it.

By developing ideas like I am an unbeliever, an atheist, Socialist or Communist will not serve any purpose except we will go astray. The best way is to live a family life as it is the best way of living life with all peace of mind.

By creating ideas like Gay, Lasbian, Single Moms etc. will take us to deadend, will lose our real identity and won't be able survive! I called it a 'Reverse Journey' inviting God Almighty to wrap it up it's creation in no time.

Suggest better refrain from it and come back to a 'Normal Living' in a family system to remain in family bond 'I called it 'A Home Nursery of Universities'

Amir Samji
kmaherali
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Joined: Thu Mar 27, 2003 3:01 pm

"Teri Ungli Pakad Ke Chali" (Cover) - Muskan Jiwa

Post by kmaherali »

Video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8WK01nd9s6k

Teri Ungli Pakad Ke Chali
I started to walk by holding on to your finger

Muskan Jiwa sings "Teri Ungli Pakad Ke Chali" to wish "Happy Mother’s Day" to her mom and to all the other wonderful moms out there.

The popular song featured in the Bollywood movie Laadla (1994). The original song was sung by Udit Narayan and Jyotsna Hardikar, lyrics are written by Sameer and music composition was done by Anand-Milind.

JollyGul is presenting this song with lyrics and translations as part of Mother’s Day 2022 week-long celebration on our platform.
kmaherali
Posts: 25106
Joined: Thu Mar 27, 2003 3:01 pm

"Chornobryvtsi" (Marigolds) - Ukrainian Folk Song For Mother's Day - Vitaliia Dupliakina

Post by kmaherali »

Video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgWnduNkjzk

Chornobryvtsi
Marigolds

Vitaliia Dupliakina sings "Chornobryvtsi" (Marigolds), a Ukrainian folk song. Gabriela Leżańska plays the violin and Zofia Bętkowska is the cellist. Jakub Niewiadomski is at the piano and was in charge of overall production.

The song was written by Mykola Fedorovych Synhayivsky, a Ukrainian poet and lyricist of many popular songs, best known for this song "Chornobryvtsi" (Marigolds).

The song pays tribute to an aging mother who planted marigold (flowers) and tells the story of how the blooming of the flowers gave her hope for the home country.

JollyGul is presenting this song with lyrics and translations as part of Mother’s Day 2022 week-long celebration on our platform.

----------------------
kmaherali
Posts: 25106
Joined: Thu Mar 27, 2003 3:01 pm

I Cherish My Grief for the Mother I Never Expected to Have

Post by kmaherali »

Image

By Stephanie Foo

Ms. Foo is the author of “What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing From Complex Trauma.” She’s also a journalist and radio producer, formerly of “This American Life” and “Snap Judgment.”

I usually delete the Instagram app on my phone on Mother’s Day. I already know what the posts will be: pictures of my friends as babies, sitting on their mothers’ laps, photos of them toasting their mothers at brunch.

“Thanks so much to the best mom ever,” they’ll say. “You made me everything I am. You gave me everything I have.” Very touching. And very stressful. Because as a motherless woman, what then do I not have that everyone else does?

I’ve lost two mothers now, and I don’t need reminders of what they left me: love and absence, good grief and bad grief, grief that holds you and grief that strangles you.

My first mother gave me life, food, the knowledge of how to tie my shoes. But she also gave me complex post-traumatic stress disorder, a condition that arises from years of continual abuse. She struggled with a mysterious mental illness. Many days, I’d find her sobbing in her bedroom or raging at a teakettle. If I made the smallest mistake — leaving a speck on a glass I washed, throwing my sweater on the floor — she told me I was the cause of her anguish because I was worthless, ugly, unlovable. Then she would beat me, occasionally endangering my life. She threatened suicide and made at least one attempt that she later claimed was my fault. I believed her.


It was almost a relief when, in the summer after I finished eighth grade, my mother abandoned me and my father. In the summer between my junior and senior years of high school, my father followed suit — he started a new family across town and left me the house. I completed high school alone.

If my parents had died, then I might’ve received fruit baskets. Lasagnas. Maybe someone would have actually come to take care of me. But with this loss, I had no time to grieve in the traditional sense. I buried all of my feelings except motivational fury and kept going, took my SATs and microwaved Costco chimichangas and drove myself to school every day. What choice did I have?

In young adulthood, I was ferociously independent: I dedicated myself to my career, saved money obsessively, gave myself pep talks after breakups. I didn’t need a family, I told myself. Here I was, thriving on my own! When friends complained about their controlling, annoying parents, I counted myself lucky. There were advantages to being parentless.

Still, my mother’s voice stayed with me. When I messed up at work — uploaded the wrong file, forgot to call someone back — there she was, whispering in my ear: Worthless girl. Idiot girl. You can’t do anything right.

I tried my best to exorcise her, to discard everything about her, to hate the things she loved — buttered-popcorn-flavored jelly beans and yellow roses. But when I stumbled upon photos of her, I realized I have her shoulders. Her hands. I am here, the voice whispered.

Perhaps it was this whispering that made me hold myself back from the sweet, mothering figures I encountered over the years. Always polite, I still kept a safe emotional distance from friends’ mothers — brought them chocolates and tea and a strained smile when I saw them. The voice lingered: These people don’t care about you. You’re unlovable.

Then, in my late 20s, I started dating Joey. Joey is a real Queens boy. The kind of man who pronounces human yoo-man and whose favorite food is eggplant parmigiana, which he ate with his mother in Ridgewood at least once a week. I first met Joey’s mother, Margaret, at Christmas in 2016.

That year, she gave me a stack of presents that went up to my neck. Jewelry holders and salad bowls and sweaters and socks and mascara and moisturizer. Her generosity was so astounding that it made me feel awkward and guilty: How could I ever reciprocate? But that missed the point. She never wanted anything back. Her love was given freely, abundantly, without expectation or entitlement.

I started showing up to those weekly dinners, and Margaret was so full of warmth, every single time. When I finally had to explain to her why I was there for every holiday, every Mother’s Day, Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas — because my own parents didn’t want me — she grabbed my hand and said, with tears in her eyes: “Forget them. You’re ours now.”

Margaret was always like that. She gave birth to four children, but she was a mother to so many more of us: gutter punks, orchestra kids, goths and geeks. Anyone who was struggling without their parents’ love came to Margaret’s house, and she made us all feel like hers, would feed us and give us her extra tablecloths and Chapsticks.

Eventually, I began calling her Mom. That word always felt strange coming out of my mouth. It felt loaded, freighted with abuse and resentment, and I think she could tell. “You can call me whatever you want,” she’d remind me, gently. “You can call me Margaret, or Mom, or anything.” But I said it anyway, my arms laden with gifts: “Thanks, Mom.” And in those two words were all the things I wanted to say: “Thank you” and “You’re healing me” and “I love you.”

In the fall of 2019, just a couple of months after Joey and I got married, Margaret started falling, cracking her head on the counter, on the sidewalk. She went through a bevy of tests and found that she had multiple system atrophy, a neurodegenerative disease similar to Parkinson’s. Shortly thereafter, in February of 2020, Joey and I moved into the apartment above her in Ridgewood to help care for he

Then the pandemic hit, and we truly became each other’s support system. I’d cook a couple of times a week, and we’d play hours of board games, her favorite form of entertainment. We knew the disease was taking hold when we started beating her at Bananagrams, a word game at which she had dominated. But she was never a sore loser. She always just wanted to play.

Margaret loved that we lived so close to her. She said it made her feel safer. But she didn’t like that the balance was off now, that we had to take care of her more than the other way around. Even near the end, when it was difficult for her to stand, let alone peel potatoes, she’d still make pot roast for us. I’d tell her to stop, not to bother, I’d make it instead. But she watched me take a third helping and refused to listen.

Margaret passed away in April of 2021. She was the third parent I’d lost, although the other two are still alive. I thought that I understood what grief was, that I could handle it like a veteran. But the pain was so different. It gutted me.

That grief that strangles, versus the grief that holds — I know the difference now. I didn’t cry when my birth mother left, because my grief before was mostly made up of anger so ferocious that it just made me hate myself.

The grief I feel over the loss of Margaret levels me regularly; big floods of tears, suddenly, in the middle of the day. But at the same time, this grief is so much sweeter. Because I get to keep her. I get to miss her. The ways she took care of me, the things she taught me, the little ways that I wound up resembling her sometimes, even if she didn’t raise me.

Margaret used to tell me, “You’re so easy to love.” Somehow, now, I believe her. Her voice is in my head now, too. She gets to stay.

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/05/06/opin ... 778d3e6de3
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